My previous entry accentuated some common thinking errors. Here are a few more which could help you to live lighter, more positively and successfully:
Taking too much responsibility for others
The rationale here is that it is my responsibility to solve the problems of others. I want to protect others from discomfort and harm at all costs. This implies that I do not want my loved ones to experience any discomfort at all and I have to make things perfect for them. Many parents fall into this trap!
In this process, I might prevent others from learning how to find their own solutions. It is unhealthy to protect others against the consequences of their own choices. A balance needs to be maintained otherwise I stunt the growth of others and make them far “weaker” than they are.
Personalization
This refers to an individual’s tendency to relate events to him-or herself even if there is no logical basis for such a conclusion. A wife might discover that her husband is slicing meat she has already cut and assumes “He hates the way I cook.”
This can only lead to taking the blame when the responsibility is not mine. Further examples are “He would have been much happier without me as a wife” or “Because we ran late for the dinner party, it is our fault that the hostess overcooked the meal.” It leads to consistent expressions like “It’s all my fault,” Sorry, sorry…” and If I had only done that my child would not have taken drugs.”
Magnification or minimization
This occurs when the significance is evaluated as crucial or trivial when an objective evaluation does not warrant this evaluation. An example is when a husband loses his temper when he discovers the milk has run out and says to his wife “You never keep up with the shopping!”
Practical exercise:
Can you relate to any of these?
